I just pynch a tree in the face
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
