i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
