just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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