Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
