I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
My bed smells like the plague
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
