you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
