Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
