They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize
