How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
