i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
