So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
