I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
this boner is exhausting
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize