I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Its about making memories worth repressing
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
