you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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