Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Say something about gay babies.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
