just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
