just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
