Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
