If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I think people are normalizing furries
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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