I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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