All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize