Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
