pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
