Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Randomize
