i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
