I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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