my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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