It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Randomize
