if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Randomize
