I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
