You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
