yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
