If i come over, it means nothing
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
