No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
