dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
