i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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