Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize