Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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