I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
