Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
