your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
