I could make wine with my vomit
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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