Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize