Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Omg I joined a choir last night...
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
