i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
