Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
