I think im going to throw up on grandma
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I believe in your delicious
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
