Apparently you make a good broom.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Randomize
