hotel room ftw
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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