Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Randomize
