Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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