why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
