I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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