Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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