yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
