I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
