i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
im six kinds of drunk right now
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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