I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
