I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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