I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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