Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
