Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
