So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Randomize
