can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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