i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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