I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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