You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
