OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
