Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
