He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
