I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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