In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
