You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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