I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
