seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
