VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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