i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
