Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
how does that bad decision feel?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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