My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
