apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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