I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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