were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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