I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
