3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
