I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I think people are normalizing furries
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
