i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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