Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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