Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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