You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
