I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize