So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
