Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
