Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
