Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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