the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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