I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
